The “Kiss-**s” & Staight Employee

I have been working for around eighteen months now, which is a pretty short period to learn any “truth” about the “working” world. I have been in and out of different fulltime jobs, and also did some freelance work and during my jobs, I was lucky enough to be put in a pretty good position, with direct connection with a lot of colleagues. I also earned the trust of my managers pretty quickly, which gave me the chance to really get a close look on how things are going. And two types of employees that you will always find in any work place are the “kiss-ass” and the “straight” employee; wherever I went to work they were always there.

The “Kiss-Ass”

What you THINK is the truth…

The Kiss-ass, is always smiling to everyone, and I mean ALWAYS smiling, you may even think that the guy never has personal problems or just a hectic weak and you start thinking that you are such a depressed person. He is usually pretty silent before giving any opinion, that would make you feel like he spends a lot of time thinking and that he’s the smartest since he always has the “best” opinion on table. He is always wearing the right dress code, which implies how professional he is. If it’s a task that people are competing in, he’s going to kick all the other employees’ asses, so you think he is simply the best. Acts like the boss’s “friend”, the secret keeper, the one who cares most about the workplace, that you may actually feel they have more power than their real position gives them.  Some info about other colleagues “slips” from him by mistake when sitting alone with the boss, and he always has a reason to be sitting alone with the boss, but again it’s for “the general benefit”. He is usually very nice with all his colleagues and works really hard on earning everyone’s trust, giving them credit when all meeting with the boss, yet keeps them feeling that there’s some difference in the “importance”, which would make you think that he is being humble and therefore trust him.
What the “TRUTH mirror” thinks

Well, this is ALL just a cover. The kiss-ass, is that guy who is kissing your boss’s ass while kicking yours by his feet. He is always smiling, because smiling in your boss’s language means you are loving the place, happy you woke up to go to your job and eager to work; not that he really feels this way. He is usually pretty silent because he is watching all the other employees give opinions, watch the boss’s reaction, see which way he prefers then exceeds the last thought given in that way and so he is the “smartest”. He is always wearing the right “dress-code”, because the right dress code is always the best cover-up for any skills deficiency. He is definitely the best when competing, but the truth is in his solo tasks, the kiss-ass usually exerts the minimal effort when doing a task on his own, only in case he did not manage to make someone finish it for him. Well he works to be that “friend” or “secret keeper” to gain more power, which means he doesn’t already have it, he is only PRETENDING.  “The General Benefit” takes place when you advice an employee on how to be better, when you help each other, not when bad words about others “slip” from your mouth. Kiss-asses are usually very nice, to know your weak point and have a weapon against you, or sometimes to keep themselves out of suspicions when accusation of snitches are being made.

The “straight” Employee

What you THINK is the truth

On the other hand there is the straight employee. He is always on time and willing to stay late, that you think he has no social life. He normally wears the right “dress-code” but sometimes he is just tired, so you might think he isn’t professional enough. He could tell anyone, even the bosses, that they are wrong straight in the face, and then you think he is just rude. He isn’t really “socializing” in the work area, he let things go as they are supposed to, so you think he is either unsociable, snob or hates you. On the other hand he would give you a huge cheer if you did something good, so at some point you don’t really get him. He doesn’t really like one to one talks with the boss, so you start building theories about why he hates your boss. He will definitely kick the ass of anyone who is being lazy or ruining his tasks, so you say they think they are better than you. He will never ever snitch or fight back when people are all accusing each other, so you may think they are week or scared.

What the “TRUTH-mirror” thinks

Well, again NOT TRUE. The straight employee is simply the one who is there to work. He is always on time and willing to stay late, not because he has no social life, probably his girlfriend is having huge fights because of that, but because he won’t be capable of having any fun till he finishes his tasks. He sometimes break the “dress-code” not because he isn’t professional, but because he is human and get bored, and because he thinks that getting his job done right and with enthusiasm is much more important that wearing the right colors to work. He tells that you are wrong not because they are rude, but to give you the chance of seeing the other side of it, for the real “general benefit” this time.  He isn’t socializing because his work is actually what says all about him, he doesn’t need words, he just needs to work right and so you will know all you need about him. He will give you a huge cheer because you deserve it, he isn’t trying to impress you, you just deserve it, he is being honest with you. He isn’t into one on one talk, because he doesn’t think they are important, again the work says it all. He will kick your ass because you are messing with his effort and this is just unacceptable, you are doing something wrong and so you need to be punished. He never snitches, not because he is week, scared or doesn’t have anything against you, but simply because he thinks you are not in kinder garden anymore, they do not need to report to the teacher.

Bottom line,

The kiss-ass, is the very beautiful looking cat, which would just bite you when they are hungry.

While the straight employee, is that cute astray dog in front of your house, who though you did not bring up, yet he protects the house from any strangers.

What the Boss thinks..

Usually the boss does know all that by the way, most bosses are not stupid, or else they would not have been bosses. They just act stupid to keep the information coming their way from the “kiss-ass” and keep the work going in its best under the leadership of the “straight” employee. And therefore the boss always makes sure that both kinds are never on a one on one battle.