Some like her flaming hot independent; others prefer her cute shy dependent. That’s how men categorize women underneath all the super-shallow, figure-based selections and the infamous crazy scale! To men, women are either independent or dependant. They’re either waiting to be rescued or jaunting for joint venture. Either looking for prince charming or a partner. Clear enough?!
That being said and putting the wrath of the male ego in mind, men crave playing the hero role. If they can’t be real heroes, they pretend to be. If they can no longer pretend, they telltale of glorious rescues that only happened in La La Land. They love being the strong mighty king of the jungle, the ones who everyone seek their help and envy for their power and strength. That is the truth.
But along comes another truth; with the stress, pressure, regret of ever being responsible and the fact that their tendencies -even if only pretentious- for heroism is abused! Yes, women have been onto men for centuries, ever since men like to make fire and women are forced to stay behind and cook smelly meat. Women know for a fact that this is how to make a man feel like a real man. Let him save you, even if you don’t need saving. Let him take charge, even if you can manage things better than he can. Women know that men lose their manhood once they feel underappreciated and neglected. That’s when a woman accomplishes all on her own, without the slightest cry for help to her man. She’s stealing his thunder, turning the spotlights off his muscular and mind power capacities and throwing them in a dark retching dungeon.
I’ve never said that before, I’ve never betrayed my own gender and sold them out like I just did. I admit I’ve called them weak, desperate and love addicts, but I’ve never called them abusers and tricky. However, that doesn’t alter the fact that women know how too much dependency on their male partners makes them feel like babysitters and too much independency drives them away. Yet, whether they follow this rule or hang it on the wall, is very much of a different story because I, for once, feel sorry for any man who’s involved with a demanding woman just as much as for he, who’s committed to a strong, self-driven one. As in both scenarios he’s stuck right under the pressure of being her hero…
This pressure is wired with so many things on very different levels. For example; the more egoistic the man is, the more he’d be squeezed to be a hero. The less honest and comfortable he is in his relationship, the more he has to bend over backwards to impersonate a fake hero. The stronger a man is hooked on perfection, the less he’d want to admit his mistakes, thus leading on with the perfect gentleman with nothing to regret living in a bubbly world. And the longer he stays in this denial, the longer he’ll have to wear the mask. And it goes on starting with financial problems to cheating and sometimes it stretches out to hide addiction from porn to drugs to gambling.
So what started out as a fairytale ending, ends with high pitched farce where the man, too ashamed to break off his top notch hero performance, prefer to break up the entire relationship because he’s afraid to show his weak bone and after all, in our society, if the man is weak, he’s not macho enough. If he’s sensitive, he’s a sissy. If he shows the slightest hint of emotions, there’s a strong chance for gay rumors to fly around. If he’s not capable of finding a solution without the help of his woman, then he doesn’t deserve to be with one. But it doesn’t work like this, there’s a fine line between compassion and humiliation and a healthy relationship tend to preserve that line. For if a man doesn’t feel man enough unless his woman tells him so, then there’s an obvious self-esteem issue. If he can’t be himself, with all his humane aspects, around his woman, then he needs to be with a mature one. If he’s demanded to toughen up all the time, his heart will toughen up as well and will bite her first. If he has to pretend to be someone he’s not when with her, he’ll go searching for someone he can show his true colors around.
Bottom line is, this is probably one of my very rare moments when I can loudly say that women are complex. Women are complex! They want a hardcore man but at the same time soft, tender and sweet. They want him brave but constantly fearing for her safety and well-being. They want him always around but he should promise there’ll be no suffocating overprotection. This is just the case with women, crazy enough to make your head spin! Yet, being her hero has nothing to do with giving her a ride, lifting heavy things off her shoulders or fixing her broken car. It goes much deeper than this; to support her when the world is thrashing against her, to give her hope when everything around her signals quit signs, and to be her mountain and her voice of reason. And I believe that there’s never been any pressure in that!
By Lobna Khairy