Have you watched this episode of ‘Friends’ when Chandler, on his wedding day with Monica, totally freaked out and just disappeared! Do you believe it? His friends couldn’t find a trace of him! Why did he do that?! Every time he has a nice going relationship with a fine spouse, he blows it up. What on earth is he doing?!
Well, he has a commitment phobia my friend! Yep! But don’t be judgmental; most of guys are commitment-phobic too. You may be one of them. Actually, recent researches declared that it’s not only men who have commitment phobia. The ladies have a quite good share of it.
It’s so important for those who have commitment issues to deal with such fear, in order to control it. Do not justify your fear of commitment by telling yourself stories like “it just didn’t felt like she is my soul mate” or “I’m just waiting for the romance of my life”. Well guess what! The romance doesn’t just knock on doors and get in. Wake up and realize that you are having a real problem here. A problem which you must realize the effect it has on you, leaving you with nothing but a couple of a broken hearts, and a serious hesitant personality. Let’s have a look on what you are doing when a typical commitment phobia hits you.
A Common Scenario:
First; you see some girl. You like her and she likes you back. You get to know her. She gets to know you. Then you both see it fits. You get engaged. Your friends are telling you, “You are a match made in heaven”. Oh, all the romance, tell me about it. Now, you are supposed to step up to prepare for the next level; getting married. And Boom, it hits you like a rocket in the head. The commitment phobia takes its toll on you. You start to freak out. Doubt your decisions. Ask yourself these so many perturbing questions: Am I going to get stuck with her for the rest of my life? I won’t be free anymore! Should I be tied up to one person only? Is she really the one? Would she be the one who makes me happy until the rest of my life? Probably you are now hearing the echo of these last words in your head “the rest of my life”. It’s like Satan has rented a room in your head and held a speaker phone yelling “The rest of your life fool, get out of there, what are you doing?”
Analyze this and that:
The key to understanding commitment phobia is recognizing that such behavior is rooted in fear. Fear of lost options; It’s just a one exclusive relationship from now on! Or fear of making poor decisions; is she really my dream girl and soul mate? Your mind interprets those decisions as permanent, opening the possibility of being caged or trapped forever with no means of escape Such fears can turn the wedding decision into a tremendous burden with severe consequences; breaking up and leaving your spouse in an untenable position with nothing but a broken heart. This leads us to the next ride.
Fear on the Fourth Gear:
Letting the fear of commitment controls your decisions means that you lose the chance of, mostly, a very stable romance relationship you could have had. Furthermore, you make fantasies of a perfect imaginary flawless spouse that you dream of and try to find. This even complicates things much more than they already are, and make it a mission impossible to find the right spouse to match your standards. Recent researches discovered that at some advanced stages in this phobia, you will even try to find spouses like you; commitment phobic. Oh dear God!!
Regain control of the wheel:
After hearing what’s been said, are you still determined to let that fear controls you? Let’s run over your anxiety. How about having a peek behind that great wall of commitment! Ask a happily married couple of your friends. No, just see their exchangeable smiles; this married friend wears this strange smile since he’s got married, right? That bright and shiny smile spread across his face. It’s the confidence he gains more than ever. It’s the settlement he always dreamed of. It’s the baby on the way or who he already had; this kid who just makes his day every single day. It’s like he never experienced happiness before. It is, and is only the love which comes after marriage. It is when both sides are overwhelmed with love. When commitment becomes the shield from bad weather. You can never replace commitment with honesty or sincerity or whatsoever. It is only commitment that gives live a hard evidence for trust and obligation. This is the solid ground where you can start building your life together.
At the end, I need you to remember. It’s a normal thing if you’re having some commitment issues. You’re not alone on this. You just need to work it up for your own sake first. It makes you a better person and a happier man. And no doubt you will eventually find the forever lasting love! As for myself, the writer, I know I will too, even though I happen to have some commitment issues, but shush, don’t tell anyone I told you so. It’s our little secret!
By Mahmoud Abdel Tawab