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How to recognize a Macho.. Top 10 Signs!

Filed under : Happily Ever After

screen_shot_2014-02-12_at_10.04.40_amWhat is it about the male logic of macho that is disturbing? Is it the whole “It’s a man’s territory” thing? Is it the “We dominate, you follow” thing? Or would it be the entire “I’m the king of the world” bit?  I could actually do a whole book dedicated to macho characteristics.


We could compile an elaborate catalog of different macho traits and the weirdest rituals of each. Oh, the places we could go with this subject! But, the fact is, these strange creatures are not worth that much time, sorry, all they get is a top 10 list. Here we go:


1- They already know everything there is to know.

Anything they don’t understand is stupid or unintelligent. If the macho is a school or university dropout, graduates can’t be trusted and/or are brainless. If the macho is a banker, physicians might be limited instead. Machos are better, higher, more important, and more knowledgeable than anyone else. This is basically a strong fear of the unknown, combined with deep-set (and perfectly acceptable) doubt about their own self worth.


2- They tend to overdo things.

They drink to excess, get addicted to something like bodybuilding, and brag about their health-consciousness (never mind the steroids). They may overdo the gambling as well, the chasing of women, or their love to their motorcycles.


3- They are usually racist and fond of labeling any ‘other’ species.

People from another religion are in general “atheists” or worse, and need to be erased from this world. People with dark-skin color are “weirdos” and never to be trusted. People from the south are “aliens” lazy and criminal. People from the Far East are “chinks” or “gooks” and are trying to sell us damaged goods or buy the country and put us all out of work.


4- They don’t like women, even though they spend vast amounts of time pursuing them.

They either like Suzy Homemakers who stay at home and act like good, nice ladies and don’t expect much, or they like Barbie dolls who giggle and hang on their arms, and do not object to anything. Women who do not fit one of these roles are either useless, worthless and a waste of time. They use diminutive or insulting nicknames for women like “chicks” or “dames”, “dolls”, “skirts”. Really uncultured machos might use truly bad words…


5- They demonstrate a limited emotional range, which includes happy and angry.

They may shed a mannish tear when their dog or mother dies, but otherwise, no, no. Being sad makes them angry. Being confused makes them angry. Sorrow, confusion, and other non-happy, non-angry emotions are not manly.


6- They care for violent and/or noisy sports:

Things like NASCAR racing, boxing, “Ultimate Fighting” and pro wrestling (don’t even TRY to tell a macho that pro wrestling is make believe). Insulting a macho’s favorite sports team is as bad if not worse than insulting his mother. They will often put huge amounts of money on sporting events, making bets without the least understanding of the odds at hand.


7- They drive absurd vehicles, accompanied by the confidence that women find these vehicles irresistible.

Any car or motorcycle must have a nitrous booster and an aftermarket exhaust system, custom suspension, bodywork, jungle themed upholstery and pell-mell paint.


8- They do not have any problems, they and everything connected with them are perfect.

If there are problems, they are of someone else’s making. Problems are to be ignored until they disappear or are replaced by other types of problems.


9- Macho men pay great attention to their walk.

They puff out the chest and parade with jutting shoulders, keep the strides long and hold the head up high. This provides the illusion of being bigger than they actually are, and shows the world that they are moving with a purpose.


10- They stick to the basics of grooming.

Just showering, shaving and keeping the fingernails clipped short . There is little need for more body care. Most macho men don’t spend a great deal of time hanging around salons. They keep the wardrobe simple. Vivid colors or pastels are not recommended.


Having listed some of many macho characteristic, I would like to conclude with this famous joke about a typical “macho man” who marries a typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, lays down the following rules:

“I’ll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don’t expect any hassle from you! I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you otherwise. I’ll go hunting, fishing, drinking and card-playing when I want with my buddies and don’t you give me a hard time about it! Those are my rules…any comments?”

His new bride matter of factly says, “No, that’s fine with me.

Just understand that there will be …

I will let you figure out the rest of the joke…



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