Tough” (2-b-a) “Guy/Girl”

I am sorry but I have to start this by saying, it is tough to be a woman…sorry I just had to say it…now moving on….eehhm…

It’s tough to be a guy

The amount of expectations is really a lot. Good

looking, well groomed, strong, invincible, tall (sorry most Egyptian guys!), able to provide, deep character, funny and fun, unafraid, smart, don Juan but decent, any spoken languages is a plus, dancing skills definitely a plus, soccer player (sure), any sports also a plus, car (sure), money (sure), “hemesh bas medardah” (go figure)!! At the same time with this whole list of tough-guy stuff, you are also expected to be sensitive, understanding, connected to your feminine side (oh be careful with that fine line, it’s very shaky grounds there with girls, trust me!! In short… it is really tough to be a guy.

And I can’t really help you, I am a woman. (yea yea I know, hang on a second, I am getting there). So as I was saying, I can’t really help you, I am a woman, I have never been in your particular situation, but I am in a sort of similar situation. Read this coming paragraph patiently, just here me out, there is a point, I promise.

Tough to be a gal

It’s really tough to be a woman. We are expected to be beautiful, with a good round figure, well dressed, charming, motherly, sweet, sexy, on time (gosh!), full of character (but not too much), strong and reliable (but not too much), well educated, fun and bubbly, with a hobby or two, independent (again, not too much), well behaved, not too loud, entertaining, presentable, controllable. So you see, we are also expected to be a whole lot of contradicting things at the same time.

We are in it together

So, we both get the bad end of high expectations. Maybe we can help each other (hehe! didn’t think so either:)). No seriously now, what we really can do is help ourselves. I think what follows are suggestions that maybe helpful to everyone.

Be Yourself

That may seem like a very easy thing to do. But in many cases, it is really easier said than done. How many times did you find yourself (guy or  gal) in a situation where you had to bite your tongue and absolutely murder your real thoughts because everyone around you thought absolutely the opposite? How many times did you go out to that same spot with the same crowd feeling bored and unfulfilled because, hey, that’s what everyone is doing? You chose that, not you. I think this doesn’t necessarily apply on everyone but I am safe to say that many many people find themselves sometimes – or a lot – in their lives in such situations. I know for fact that it takes me daily effort and failures to overcome this and choose me, not them.

Know Yourself

They say Socrates said this a long time ago (this aphorism has been also attributed to six other Greek sages, by the way). It sounds like it means nothing really. Know yourself, hello, who are you, I am Noha Fekry, oh hello (OK, I will stop it!) It is not an easy task. It takes a real man and a real woman to dare and know themselves. Put aside (not throw away) all what you were taught, all the expectations around, the collective society mindset engraved on the back of your mind, all your dreams of who and what you want to be; and actually get to know what you are really made of. What your choices without anyone watching would be.  Come face to face with the ugly sides of you, embrace them and start working on them. Get to know the beautiful sides of you, accept them and really enjoy them. Courageously face the baggage that you inherited or just picked up along the way and find ways to deal with them. I guess the most difficult part would be making friends with the things that you hate about yourself or knowing that others might not really like about you, but there is no way for you to change them There is no way but ACCEPTING that. A-C-C-E-P-T-I-N-G 9 letters—-really difficult!

Find Yourself

Now that’s a lifetime journey, but it better starts now and as mushy for you as this may sound, but sound of music did really put it nicely: “climb every mountain, search high and low, follow every way, every path you know, climb every mountain, ford every stream, follow every rainbow, till you find your dream…” Find YOUR dreams, your very own not your family’s. Not your mother/father’s dreams of you being a doctor or an engineer so that s/he can raise their head up high because these professions are just not controversial. “What does your son/daughter do? oh! s/he’s a doctor, bless his/her heart!” as opposed to “what does your daughter/son do? My daughter/son (el mawkoos/a), s/he left her/his well respected job at the bank to teach dancing (maskhara!)”.  Not to put down being a doctor or an engineer, if this is your dream of course, by all means, go for it…you know what I mean!

Work hard and continue to work hard

It’s very important to find what motivates you and how and under which circumstances you work best. Needless to say, when you are doing something that you are personally enthusiastic about, you work harder and motivation flows from within, thus the importance of knowing yourself and finding your own dream

Have fun and continue to have fun

In the same token, find your own fun stuff. Be original, you really don’t have to follow what others do unless it is really really what you enjoy. Try dancing, try painting (sound girlish, so what!), try pottery, try Marshall arts (sounds boyish, so what!), try sky diving (scary, so what!), try growing plants, try fishing, try mountain climbing (please learn properly and get the right licenses), try skateboarding (tell me where), try cycling (tell me where bardo), try yoga, try reading (yes people will consider you weird but again, so what!), try and try. Meet new people. Seek new activities. If traveling is an option for you, go and travel, try new places. It’s a daily effort, start today and keep on trying every day!

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