Introverts VS Extroverts
“I don’t make small talk. I don’t like phone calls. I’d rather text than have anyone invading my space, and time”.
According to social standards, I’m an awkward citizen. I’m an antisocial – or so my friends would like to call me whenever they drag me out to some social event. My mum always urges me to come out of my “bubble”. And whenever I meet a relative or a neighbor, it’s like they’re begging me to “chat and talk”. They think I’m rude because I’m not much of a small-talker. So when it comes to work or meeting new people; I’m perceived as timid, withdrawn and haughty.
I’ve always felt like a social cripple, I ended up doubting myself especially that I have an extroverted mother who thinks I’m just miserable and aloof. She thinks I’m a loner and a disgrace to her glamorous social life. And now that I know more about myself, and being proud of it, I’m blamed for embracing who I am. My calmness somehow scares people! And whatever the reasons are; I’m being rejected, labeled, judged and always underestimated.
Let’s face it! Our culture only encourages and accepts extroverts. It is urging everyone to be outgoing in order to be normal. Respect for people is based on their verbal abilities not their originality or insights, which is why introverts are always aggrieved and misunderstood.
Extroverts are associated with traits like desirable, happy and confident. They are seen as big-hearted, vibrant, warm, and empathic. Meanwhile Introverts are described with words like guarded, loner, reserved, taciturn, self-contained and private; words that suggest smallness of personality.
Unfortunately, I’m not alone in this. Introverts might estimate one third of the general population. Yet they’re still in the shadows. Trying to fit in, being someone they’re not or just being rejected for adopting who they are. It’s not easy to be an introvert in our culture when they’re treated like outcasts! Our culture disregards anyone who’s different. It simply opposes to anything that is not the same as majority. So there’s no choice but to end up behaving like an extrovert in social situations, and perhaps act more outspoken or may enjoy the social interaction and attention, but later crave time alone to recover.
Warning Signs
Introversion and extroversion lie at the heart of human nature. That’s why we need to realize the fact that introverts don’t fake it. It’s not a choice. It’s not a lifestyle. It’s rather a tendency.
Noticing the root of any problem is the first step towards solving it. I guess the problem here is the inability to distinguish the differences between both types. We need to appreciate our loved ones for who they are, and not expect much of what they can’t do. The key is to notice, accept and respect those who might be different.
Look out for introverts around you. Try and give them the benefit of the doubt. Start with your own family and your close circle. If you’re a parent, keep a close watch on your introverted children and try to understand how they function. Forcing kids to spend time with other kids, and not giving them the time or space they need, would kill their creativity and would end up in failing to nourish their talents.
At work, to get the best out of your team or employees, you should be assigning them appropriate tasks that would complement their nature. Understanding the differences would help you get the best of it, using their strength points and letting them excel at what they’re better at.
And finally; if you’re an introvert, I understand your pain, but the last thing you ought to be doing is conforming. Everyone should rather try to be true to him/herself, be proud of how they’re born and learn more about it to reach peace and serenity.
Here are some of the common differences between introverts and extroverts:
– The dissimilarity between introverts and extroverts is far more complex than shy versus outgoing. Shyness doesn’t always mean quietness. Shy people are anxious or frightened in social settings but generally I’m not tense around people, and I’m not misanthropic. I might prefer curling up in bed with a book, but it’s not the case all the time. On the contrary, I sometimes crave deep conversations and those mind-provoking sessions of my crowded and loud book club.
– Introverts get drained by social interactions meanwhile extroverts get their energy by all the buzz in the air. Introverts tend to enjoy social interactions in a different way than extroverts. They like having one-on-one deep conversations. They might also enjoy large parties but would want to sit and watch the action from the sidelines. Extroverts may interpret this as not wanting to have fun, but this observation is all the fun for an introvert.
– Introverts opposed to extroverts like being alone. Extroverts undervalue such fact and that’s why introverts are sometimes stereotyped as having more depressive or negative personalities. This misconception likely stems from the fact that extroverts -who gain their energy from social interactions- might feel sad when they don’t spend enough time with people. Introverts on the contrary need to disconnect and recharge. For them to be alone with their thoughts is as restorative as sleeping and as nourishing as eating. Conflict starts when extroverts assume that company, especially theirs, is always welcome. They cannot imagine why someone would rather be alone. Education systems are designed to fit extroverts. That’s why introverted kids tend to get drained after their school days.
“Taking shelters in bathrooms is surprisingly a common phenomenon, as you probably know if you’re an introvert” Quiet – Susan Cain
– Unlike extroverts, introverts have little appetite for spotlights. They hate being the center of attention; but actually with the right practicing, introverts can excel as speakers. No wonder that Bill Gates, Larry Page, Wozniak, Lincoln, Gandhi have been classified as introverts. They just need to learn to calm down whenever getting introduced to strangers or giving a seminar.
– While open plans are more common at workplaces, introverts tend to shut doors of their offices. Extroverts function best when engaged in a loud spectrum like workshops or team building. Introverts work better in solitude and independently. That’s how they get most creative. When it comes to teamwork, introverts are good at listening and motivating people and they lack the interest of dominating social situations. Another strength point is how introverts focus on preparing projects and thinking things through before acting. Introverts express themselves better in writing or online than in real life, that’s why, if an introvert, in order to get the best of your time and work, try online brainstorming.
“That is why one can never be alone enough when one writes, why there can never be enough silence around one when one writes, why even night is not night enough.” Franz Kafka
– Extroverts are more likely to be highly reward-sensitive; while introverts are more likely to pay attention to warning signs. Introverts tend to look before they leap. They regulate their feelings of desire and excitement and protect themselves from the downsides. Whenever they catch themselves excited, their vigilance increases. Introverts are geared to inspect and extroverts are geared to respond. We can safely say that introverts are better in decision-making roles. Extroverts should learn to listen to introverts when it comes to such instincts.
– Introverts are more sensitive than extroverts. In Her book Quiet, Susan Cain mentioned something about special attributes of the highly sensitive people, and she suggested that those attributes (like how they’re sensitive to their environment noticing everything) sort of relate to introverts. When it comes to people around them, introverts tend to be more caring, more cooperative, more empathic and sensitive to problems and feelings. They’re sensitive to smells, pain, and all the little things. They experience strong emotions like guilt or sorrow. Be careful if you parent one of those kids, any encounter would affect them and might stay with them for life. On a personal level, they tend to be spiritual and philosophical and many of them turn out to be writers, artists and thinkers.
The point here is to create a healthy spectrum, of making the best of both worlds. Just as Sophia Dembling, the professional introvert and the author of “The Introvert’s Way”, eloquently put it “Without both introverts and extroverts, things wouldn’t get done. We’ve got to have one person thinking it through and one person going out and slaying the dragon.”